Close Male Friendships: Myth or Reality?

Judy Y. Chu. Adolescent Boys' Friendships and Peer Group Culture//Jossey Bass, San Franscisco, 2005, #107.

Overview

This is a very interesting article that helps to develop a comprehensive understanding of boys' friendship experiences.  It is a well-known fact that boys have fewer close friendships and develop less intimacy within these relationships as compared to girls. The author suggests that incapability or lack of interest of boys to develop close same-sex relationships is closely connected with the male peer group pressure.  The article is based on the data collected over the course of 2 years with 65 adolescent boys attending a private boys secondary school. Since the data is so limited it is not clear how reasonable it would be to generalize it, but still the article is worth reading at least because it gives an insight on the guys' world, and helps understand a little better why guys sometimes act the way the do.

Some smart thoughts and interesting conclusions

All individuals are born with a fundamental capacity and desire for close, mutual relationships. Children and adolescents seek the following social provisions in their friendships:

• intimacy (sharing secrets);
• affection (showing warmth and care);
• companionship (spending time together);
• alliance (feeling joined)
• satisfaction (being happy with the relationship)

Most of the boys perceive their peer group culture to present certain obstacles to their development of close friendships.Such obstacles include the need to protect vulnerability, prove masculinity, and preserve integrity while among male peers. 

The peer group culture makes it unsafe for boys to express themselves and relate to others in the ways that support development of close friendships. Although the boys seem not to care about what other people think, they modify their behavior and styles of relating to avoid being ridiculed, criticized, and rejected by other peers. However the decision to be selective in their self-expression and guarded in their interactions, inhibits their chances to be truly known by others and thus interferes with the boys' efforts to develop close friendships.

In order to fit in among other peers and not to stand out in ways that might have undesirable repercussions, boys need to sustain a certain image of masculinity. Within a peer group, it means that the boys need to differentiate themselves from femininity and, in general, anything that could be associated with grils' or womens' behavior.  They boys constantly need to prove that they are self-sufficient, tough, and capable of emotional stoicism. That is why the boys learn to exaggerate masculine qualities, and to suppress feminine qualities. 

The threat of being called 'gay' appears to be a primary motivation for conforming to masculine norms of behavior. Thus, through constraining the boys' self-expression and interpersonal engagement, it becomes difficult for others to know what they are really like, and as a result, this threat inhibits the boys' development of close friendships.

Those boys who do manage to develop a close same-sex friendship, despite, the peer group pressure, acknowledge its protective role by making it possible for boys not only to survive, but to thrive under the circumstances of peer pressure. A close friendship creates an environment in which the boys can be truly honest and open to one another. It enables them to trust and be trusted,  to confide in, be vulnerable, and really take good care of each other. This experience of trust and intimacy in their close relationships could be carried over to other relationships and interactions.

Conclusion

Boys are faced with a dilemma. On the one hand, they show a clear capacity for and interest in close friendships, on the other hand, they actively read and respond to their peer group culture, which reinforces masculine norms of behavior. Given that the male peers in general tend to be judgmental, the boys decide to be guarded in their social interactions  and demonstrate exaggerated masculine behavioral patterns.

Further discussion

• There might be some male peer groups which present less challenges to development of close relationships. What kind of groups could those be?
• Boys may respond differently to the challenges they face. What determines their response?
• What helps boys succeed in developing close same-sex relationships?